FEELING A LITTLE DOWN TODAY
Maybe not just today, but for a few weeks now. I am not sure why it started but I have become very sad that Owen is going to be an only child and that I will not have anymore babies. I know that I am very lucky to have Owen and that should be enough but I am having so many emotions. I am sad that he will be an only child, I am sad that someday Bob and I won't be here and who will he have? I am sad that I will never again change diapers, have a first day of Pre K or first words. I am sad.
I know that not all siblings are close as they get older, my husband and his sister are perfect examples of this, they don't speak. But as a parent I would do whatever I could to be sure that they were close and that they understand that in the later years they are really going to need eachother. A better example is my sister and me. We are very different, have nothing in common and not sure if we weren't sisters that we would be friends, but she is my sister and we are friends and there wouldn't be anything that could make me not speak to her again. I am going to need that relationship later in my life. My son will not have this opportunity. That makes me sad.
Someone posted on another site a statement that made me a little angry today, she said "It's easy to become a mother but not easy to be a mother" I disagree, I spent 10 years, a lot of money, a lot of paperwork, a lot of tears and traveled half way around the world to be a mother, it was not easy. And because of that I won't be a mother to another child. So not any part of that was easy.
I know this feeling will pass, but for now I am going to allow myself to be sad for what I won't have but know that there is so much to be happy for what I have.
I know that not all siblings are close as they get older, my husband and his sister are perfect examples of this, they don't speak. But as a parent I would do whatever I could to be sure that they were close and that they understand that in the later years they are really going to need eachother. A better example is my sister and me. We are very different, have nothing in common and not sure if we weren't sisters that we would be friends, but she is my sister and we are friends and there wouldn't be anything that could make me not speak to her again. I am going to need that relationship later in my life. My son will not have this opportunity. That makes me sad.
Someone posted on another site a statement that made me a little angry today, she said "It's easy to become a mother but not easy to be a mother" I disagree, I spent 10 years, a lot of money, a lot of paperwork, a lot of tears and traveled half way around the world to be a mother, it was not easy. And because of that I won't be a mother to another child. So not any part of that was easy.
I know this feeling will pass, but for now I am going to allow myself to be sad for what I won't have but know that there is so much to be happy for what I have.
posted by Tracy and Bob at
1:51 PM
3 Comments:
Tracy - my mother actually gave me a magnet with that saying last Christmas. I was appalled! How could she not remember the marriage, the fertility treatments, the divorce, and finally the adoption as a single parent. EVEN AFTER I explained it to mom she refused to take it back and I ultimately threw it away.
We have every right to grieve for what we thought we would have. Life is a process and even though I have two daughters that I treasure.......I wish I had that little boy..and I know in a heartbeat if I won the lottery tomorrow I'd adopt again! Yeah, totally a "change of life" baby (LOL).
Remember..you are not alone.
Laura
Hi Tracy,
I feel your pain too!!
Tracy,
I am thinking of you and you never know, maybe the future will hold a little surprise for you guys. :)
Please don't be sad my friend, that makes me sad...
{Hugs}
Jonni
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